Can I say my shit?
Can I say my shit?
I've got lots of shit to say
I've got lots of shit to say

I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can
I have a huge amount of trouble
Fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can
I can get my hand like four inches into the can
But then I have to tilt the can into my mouth
But then a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can
So they all go spilling onto my face

What I'm trying to say is the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small
I'll say it again
The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small
Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small
If you feel me, put your hands up
Come on!
If you feel me, put your hands up

Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside of a Pringle can
Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can
Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can
You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can
Pringles!

Listen to the people, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get
Are about the width of your cans
Just make them wider
I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry

I want to have a daughter
I want to have a daughter
So I can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands
In the Pringle can
Yes, I'm still on the Pringle cans thing! Yeah!
I'll move on, alright?
But that is priority número uno

I don't go to the gym
Because I'm self-conscious about my body
But I'm self-conscious about my body cause I don't go to the gym
Irony can be painful
That's a Catch-22
Let's do this!

I went to Chipotle
I went to Chipotle
Got myself a chicken burrito
I went down the line and I got all these ingredients
And at the end of the line
The guy tried to wrap the burrito
But half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out
He still wrapped it
I was like, "Dude you should have warned me!
You're a burrito expert
You should have told me halfway through
'Hey, man. You might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here'"
Do you fucking think I want a messy burrito?
No one wants a messy burrito
The whole appeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained
Within the confines of the tortilla

I wouldn't have gotten half of the shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look
I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got
Half of it
Like, I'm okay with small mistakes
If you've got no more chicken, I'll take pork
But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork
I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit
Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like
Half of it, like
Half of it, like
Half of it, like
Half of it right now
I think it's time I
Think it's time, I think that we break it down

Put the lotion in the basket
I can sit here and pretend
Like my biggest problems are
Pringle cans, and burritos
The truth is, my biggest problem's you
I want to please you
But I want to stay true to myself
I want to give you the night out that you deserve
But I want to say what I think
And not care what you think about it
A part of me loves you
Part of me hates you
Part of me needs you
Part of me fears you
And I don't think that I can handle this right now
Handle this right now
I don't think that I can handle this right now

I don't think that I can handle this right now
I don't think that I can handle this right now
I don't think that I can handle this right now
Look at them, they're just staring at me
Like, "come and watch the
Skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health
And laugh as he attempts
To give you what he cannot give himself"

I don't think that I can handle this right now
I don't think that I can handle this right now
They don't even know the half of this right now
They don't even know the half of it
But I know I'm not a doctor
I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show
So I should probably just shut up and do my job
So here I go

I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got half
You can tell them anything if
You just make it funny, make it rhyme
And if they still don't understand you
Then you run it one more time

I don't think that I can handle this right now (Haa!)
I don't think that I can handle this right now (Hoo!)
If you think that I can handle this right now (Haa!)
Right now (Haa!)
Now
Handle this right
Handle this right
Handle this right now

Thank you, good night!
I hope you're happy