Oh, deary me,
My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed,
I tell him he should get up cos it's nearly half past three
He can't be bothered cuz he's high on THC.
I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea,
I can't even see him cuz the room is so smoky,
Don't understand how one can watch so much TV,
My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see.

I only say it cuz I care,
So please can you stop pulling my hair.
Now, now there's no need to swear,
Please don't despair my dear, mon frère1.

Alfie, get up it's a brand new day,
I just can’t sit back
And watch you waste your life away
You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid.
Get off your lazy arse,
Alfie please use your brain
Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray,
I'm feeling guilty for leading you astray,
Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid,
When all you do is stay and play on your computer games?

Oh little brother please refrain from doing that,
I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat.
It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat,
And look me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap.

Please don't despair
Please don't despair
My dear, mon frère